The system was never built for you but that doesn’t have to be what’s driving your pick-me behavior.

 

In this episode, we’ll uncover the roots of your pick-me behavior, how patriarchy shapes self-abandonment, and tools you need to reconnect to your true power. You’ll learn how to stop chasing external validation and start healing your emotional body.

 

This is your guide to dismantling patriarchy from the inside out, and building emotional and mental well-being. I also share a step-by-step ritual to stop spiraling and start grounding.

 

You’re going to walk away knowing:

 

✨ What’s driving your pick-me behavior and how to stop it

✨ How to shift your energy for emotional healing and stress relief

✨ Why you can’t just stop people-pleasing without nervous system regulation

✨ How crystal rituals help you self-validate and see clearly

✨ The exact steps to reclaim your worth and stop chasing external validation

 

Stop chasing approval. Listen now to reclaim your energy, rebalance your nervous system, and rebuild your sense of self.

 

FEATURED ON THE SHOW:

 

Connect with Crystals that Support Your Unique Energy Needs – Shop Now!: https://www.threecharmedgems.com/shop/

 

Join the Charmed Community: https://www.threecharmedgems.com/charmed-community-opt-in/

 

Download the Charmed Morning Ritual Worksheet to help you get your life in order: https://www.threecharmedgems.com/charmed-morning-ritual-opt-in/

 

Register for the Crystal Witch New Moon Ritual: https://www.threecharmedgems.com/cwnmr-crystal-witch-new-moon-ritual-opt-in/

 

Want to take this work deeper and apply it to your life?  Inside the Crystal Self Healer Members Portal, you’ll discover how to relax your body, mind, and spirit through crystal healing, while learning to set healthy boundaries, build unshakable self-belief, and heal the wounds from past hurts. Click the link to learn more and enroll today, and take the next step toward lasting emotional freedom: https://www.threecharmedgems.com/crystal-self-healer-members-portal/

 

Want to know what crystal will help you right now?  Take the What Crystal is Best for You quiz and find out how you can start your own crystal practice here:  https://www.threecharmedgems.com/best-crystal-for-you-quiz/

 

Follow on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/crystal-self-healer/id1727392795

 

00:00 Introduction to the Podcast

00:40 Challenging Societal Norms

01:52 Understanding Pick Me Behavior

04:54 The Role of Patriarchy

07:24 Healing with Crystals

09:50 Crystal Ritual for Self-Validation

11:26 Community and Support

13:47 Conclusion and Next Steps

Episode #83 – What’s Driving Your “Pick-Me” Behavior?

Introduction to the Podcast

Welcome to the Crystal Self Healer Podcast. I’m Corissa Weaver. On this podcast, we blend the magic of crystals with the science of psychology to help you break free from chaos, ditch the overwhelm, and master your emotions so you can have more energy, get more done, and feel better every day. Get ready to unlock your intuition and restore your true power as we cover how you can transform your life using crystals and self-awareness.

Are you ready to get started? Alright, let’s go.

Challenging Societal Norms

Do you remember the commencement speech that espoused the personal views of a man who suggested that women should prioritize marriage and motherhood over their careers?

This speaker, in that moment, decided it was appropriate for him to say loudly and publicly that a woman’s worth is tied to largely male defined service and identity.

This expectation of girls and women has a long history, and has played out across many cultures and countries.

Women in society have faced a long uphill battle in being seen, supported, and respected for pursuing goals that don’t necessarily fit into the narrative held within their immediate culture.

And the dark side of this is that they can end up internalizing this rejection, leading them to abandon themselves, their values, and their beliefs.

If you’re tired of feeling like you never measure up and want to shift this dynamic, listen in.

Understanding Pick Me Behavior

We’re going to uncover what’s driving your pick me behavior, and by the end of this episode, you’ll know what you can do to break this cycle and a crystal ritual that supports you.

Culture isn’t inherent. It’s created, molded and designed by people in places of power and influence.

Unfortunately, not all those individuals are looking out for, or care about, the greater good of everyone.

American culture loves to see people, women, people of color, as commodities, as less than.

When you’re repeatedly pushed up against a system that devalues you, holds you down, this clashes with the base human need for belonging.

This need to feel seen, heard, and to belong creates the baseline for what’s driving your pick me behavior.

When you feel like the way you are isn’t good enough, you’re more likely to abandon your values and ideals in order to shape yourself in a way that those outside of you find favorable.

Pick me is a trauma response to systems that have always asked women to be valuable to men rather than valuable as themselves.

The card inspiration this week is Judgment in the situation placement.

Typically, this card is reflective of the past and second chances, but I think it would be wise if we were to look deeper into the imagery and what it stirs up.

Overall, this card has very limited color on it, save for the red wings, the red and white flag, and the golden hair and horn of the floating angel type figure above.

You see the naked and exposed people standing inside what appear to be open coffins with their arms outstretched to the floating figure above them as if they’re asking for salvation.

And if you want to have a more biblically relevant interpretation of this card, go ahead, but I think that may add layers of harm to what we’re discussing.

That said, these gray individuals are seeking judgment from an entity outside of themselves as if they aren’t, or weren’t, holding inherent value to begin with.

I posit that this card in the situation placement isn’t about seeking or gaining external validation, but about looking at the judgment you turn inward. Those ideas and thoughts you use to cut yourself down so you can fit into the idealized expectation of a power structure that wasn’t meant for you to flourish within.

The Role of Patriarchy

We call this external system of validation patriarchy.

And let me tell you, this isn’t about individual men, although men perpetuate it.

We call it patriarchy because it was established to keep existing structures that derived their power from male dominated entities: the church, the peerage, et cetera.

Patriarchy, like any entity wants to maintain power and privilege, so the gender of its victims doesn’t really matter.

Its aim isn’t fairness, just dominance.

We saw that play out in colonialism and the slave trade where people of all genders were being exploited.

And systems rooted in dominance will exploit anyone they can, regardless of their gender, race, or origin.

But let’s get a little granular here so that we aren’t just railing against the machine that has built in ways to weather an uprising.

Women and girls have been conditioned that it’s their fault for everything that goes wrong.

The number of times I’ve heard men say to me that women are the root of all evil.

These beliefs stem from centuries of male crafted narratives designed to minimize and or subjugate women; from the way the Bible and ancient texts have been translated to the way we write our current legislation.

Through the ages, women have unconsciously internalized these hierarchies and adapted their behavior to survive them: by aligning with the dominant power, by proving worth, by competing for proximity to male validation.

That’s why you find yourself people pleasing, or having trouble saying no, or participating in the pick me behavior.

The work for you lies in establishing your value by you, for you, so you no longer feel the need to seek out someone else’s validation.

Your body also stores these trauma responses in a number of ways and expresses it through stress, anxiety, and fight or flight responses.

This makes the cognitive work of unraveling these patterns more elusive if you don’t first address your dysregulated nervous system.

Healing with Crystals

And that’s why incorporating crystals, ritual, and energy practices into your healing path will move you further faster than just talk therapy alone.

When your body doesn’t feel safe, you can’t process the emotions and energy that is stored up and blocking the free flow of your being.

When you’re stuck in a trauma cycle, you can’t think your way out of it, you just keep reliving it.

Until your body feels safe, you’ll spend more time and effort forcing your focus on something that you have no capacity to shift.

Once you turn your attention to building your sense of self, self-validating your inherent worth, that’s when you will be empowered to see the pick me behavior for what it is, and make choices that truly align with you, your values, and your beliefs.

The crystal I’m going to suggest for you this week is Ulexite, and here’s why.

Ulexite has the ability to project images onto its surface, like watching a scene play out on a screen. When you can watch your experiences as if they aren’t yours, it allows you to detach from the emotional tether, giving you the space you need to discern what actually belongs to you.

By stimulating the third eye, it sharpens your intuitive perception and filters insight through a clear lens. You’ll be able to see where your trauma response or people pleasing instincts are flaring up, so you can choose your own path of self validation.

Ulexite helps to cut through mental fog, self-doubt, and confusing emotions that cloud judgment. This ability to discern between baloney and reality helps you create a boundary between yourself and the projections of others.

When you’re able to see codependent behavior for what it is, this offers you a powerful pause between the trigger and your response. This space will be just the thing you need to stop your pick me behavior and shift to self-compassion and validation.

Crystal Ritual for Self-Validation

So here is a ritual you can do to support and prepare you energetically to stop your pick me behavior.

You’ll need your Ulexite, a Rose Quartz and a Smoky Quartz.

Find a comfortable place where you have enough space to lie down.

Before laying back place the Smoky Quartz between your feet.

Lie back and place the Rose Quartz on your heart space and the Ulexite on your third eye.

Gently close your eyes and focus on your breath.

You’re going to stay in this position with the main focus being your breath as you allow energy and emotions to rise and flow through you.

If you feel particularly distressed, inhale deeply through your nose and exhale through your mouth until the emotion or feeling passes.

Stay in a detached space of observing and allowing for at least five minutes, but no more than 10.

Trust in the process, allowing the crystals to surface what needs to be raised and that your breath will allow you to release what is ready to be let go of.

When you feel a sense of completion, gently open your eyes, allow your vision to focus and remove the crystals and sit up.

As you return to your day, periodically check in with yourself. Notice if your pick me behavior has shifted, and in what way.

Community and Support

Today’s pairing of Judgment with Ulexite is from a crystal and tarot forecast inside the Charmed Community.

I invite you to join me in this free space where I share these readings weekly to help you align your energy and focus your week.

You will also get an opportunity to connect with others who are exploring their growth and creating change in their lives just like you.

Join us for free, the link is in the show notes.

And if you’re tired of being on an emotional rollercoaster, constantly juggling everything in your life, and you want to be part of a space that holds you in your healing. A space where you can feel seen, supported, and connected, I’d love to have you join me inside the Crystal Self Healer members portal.

It’s where we go beyond the weekly guidance and we apply it to your life, equipping you with the tools, resources, and support to build your confidence in crystal healing and emotional self-care.

Inside you get healing sessions that help you process emotions so you can regulate your nervous system, rituals that help you anchor and direct energy, personalized support when you’re feeling stuck and everything you need to truly empower yourself to live with more ease and alignment.

Visit my website www.threecharmedgems.com or click the link in the show notes to learn more and join me.

It is time to stop living at the mercy of emotional triggers and start living in spiritual integrity. The Crystal Self Healer members portal is where that shift begins. Find your clarity and come home to yourself.

Today’s episode has been brought to you by Judgment, Ulexite and Detachment. May we all deconstruct from the patriarchal narrative so we can be the full expression of who we truly are. Blessed be, my friends.

Conclusion and Next Steps

All right, my friends, that wraps up this week’s episode. Thank you for joining me here today on the Crystal Self Healer Podcast. If you haven’t already, hit subscribe, leave a review and take the what Crystal is best for you. Quiz linked in the show notes. Join me again next week as we continue to demystify crystals, how your brain works and how you can use them so you can have more energy, get more done, and feel better every day.