When you feel compelled to always say yes, smooth things over, or people please at the expense of your peace you may benefit from dismantling the good girl archetype.

 

In this episode we uncover how you can go from under appreciated or like your time never belongs to you to finally having the energy to focus on your own goals and well-being.

 

WHAT YOU WILL LEARN:

 

💫 What the good girl archetype is and how it shapes behavior

💫 Why the good girl archetype keeps women trapped in people pleasing cycles.

💫 What studies reveal about gender differences in volunteering to do altruistic activities.

💫 Why being in a constant state of alert undermines calm and personal well-being

💫 How releasing the compulsion to fix everything for others gives you clarity, autonomy, and personal power.

 

Tune in now to release guilt, set boundaries, and get more time for yourself.

 

FEATURED ON THE SHOW:

 

Connect with Crystals that Support Your Unique Energy Needs – Shop Now!: https://www.threecharmedgems.com/shop/

 

Join the Charmed Community: https://www.threecharmedgems.com/charmed-community-opt-in/

 

Download the Charmed Morning Ritual Worksheet to help you get your life in order: https://go.threecharmedgems.com/morning-ritual-worksheet

 

Register for the Crystal Witch New Moon Ritual: https://www.threecharmedgems.com/cwnmr-crystal-witch-new-moon-ritual-opt-in/

 

Want to take this work deeper and apply it to your life?  Inside the Crystal Self Healer Members Portal, you’ll discover how to relax your body, mind, and spirit through crystal healing, while learning to set healthy boundaries, build unshakable self-belief, and heal the wounds from past hurts. Click the link to learn more and enroll today, and take the next step toward lasting emotional freedom: https://www.threecharmedgems.com/crystal-self-healer-members-portal/

 

Want to know what crystal will help you right now?  Take the What Crystal is Best for You quiz and find out how you can start your own crystal practice here:  https://go.threecharmedgems.com/QuizPodcast

 

Follow on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/crystal-self-healer/id1727392795

 

Get full transcript, show notes, and more information here:  https://www.threecharmedgems.com/podcast/

 

00:00 Introduction to the Crystal Self Healer Podcast

00:40 The Good Girl Archetype Scenario

01:33 Dismantling the Good Girl Archetype

02:14 The Cost of the Good Girl Archetype

02:33 Studies on Gender and Workplace Tasks

03:35 Tarot Card Insight: 10 of Swords

05:26 Defining the Good Girl Archetype

09:58 Crystal Support: Black Tourmaline

11:31 Ritual to Dismantle the Good Girl Archetype

13:14 Join the Charmed Community

15:43 Conclusion and Next Steps

Episode #90 – Dismantling the “Good Girl” Archetype

Introduction to the Crystal Self Healer Podcast

Welcome to the Crystal Self Healer Podcast. I’m Corissa Weaver. On this podcast, we blend the magic of crystals with the science of psychology to help you break free from chaos, ditch the overwhelm, and master your emotions so you can have more energy, get more done and feel better every day. Get ready to unlock your intuition and restore your true power as we cover how you can transform your life using crystals and self-awareness.

Are you ready to get started? Alright, let’s go.

The Good Girl Archetype Scenario

Picture this scenario with me.

It’s close to the end of your workday, or it’s just about time for you to go pick up the kids and your boss or partner asks you to take care of something.

It’s positioned as a special or urgent request, and there’s some maybe not so subtle pressure being applied in hopes to get you to take this thing on.

What is your response?

Do you do the project or task?

Or do you decline saying you’ll take care of it when you have time or come into work the next day?

Right now, you’re either thinking to yourself that you would never compromise, or that you’d cave and take care of the request even if it created a difficult issue in your life.

Dismantling the Good Girl Archetype

That’s why in this episode we are going to look at dismantling the good girl archetype so you can have more control over your life and your choices without the guilt of what you should do.

I get that I’ve presented a simplistic scenario here, and that in a regular day situation, you may not feel the same black and white response.

But that’s where you need to sit back and examine how you think you would respond versus how you let situational exceptions keep you making decisions and taking on tasks you’d rather not.

The Cost of the Good Girl Archetype

There is a cost associated with staying in the good girl archetype.

Doing these last minute urgent tasks or special request favors for others comes at the expense of your sense of autonomy, your sovereignty, and your peace of mind.

Studies on Gender and Workplace Tasks

There was a study conducted in 2017 to examine whether men and women did non-promotable tasks at the same rate.

What they found was that in a mixed gender environment, women volunteer 50% more than men to perform tasks that don’t lead to job promotion.

They repeated this study again without mixed gender and found that the rate of volunteering was roughly equal, meaning that if women weren’t in the room, men would step up.

Please don’t hear this as me bashing on men while I’m bashing on men.

The study clearly showed that men volunteer less if women are in the room.

Let’s make sure you hear that correctly.

As long as women are in the room, men will sit back and let women step up for less payable work.

Tarot Card Insight: 10 of Swords

The card inspiration this week is the 10 of swords in the circumstance or situation placement.

This card has a definite sense of endings.

The main figure in the card is lying face down with 10 swords sticking out of their back.

This is why this is one of the few cards in the tarot deck that can represent true death, figuratively, or literally.

But for the purposes of our conversation today, we’re talking about the ending of your identity as a good girl.

I’m not casting judgment or criticism here.

We wrap our sense of self into the narrative of our identity.

A mom sees herself through the lens of being a mom.

That’s what causes many women to have issues when they transition to an empty nest. They lose seeing themselves as a mom when the kids move out.

Now you may be snickering there saying, how could that happen? Why don’t they just see they’re still a mom, even when the kids are grown and out of the house.

That’s the thing about your sense of identity.

It gets wrapped up in the narrative.

It plays out mostly for men when they retire or they feel like their virility is at stake.

That’s when you see them go through their midlife crisis or slump into depression because what they thought gave them purpose and meaning every day is no longer there.

So this card in the context we’re looking at today is saying that how you see yourself, your thoughts around it are, or need to, come to an end.

Defining the Good Girl Archetype

So let’s define what the good girl archetype really is.

This is the concept that includes, but is not limited to, women playing nice, being responsible for smoothing the experiences of others, always taking on the responsibility of and for others, doing things for others to appease them, keeping their opinions to themselves, and doing it with a smile on their face, no matter how much it makes their personal experience difficult.

There is a big distinction between being the good girl archetype and being cooperative.

The significant thing here is that there is a real or perceived expectation about how the woman is supposed to behave, and that is the ideal they are striving to emulate in their actions.

There was another study conducted in 2005 where they found that women received negative outcomes when they didn’t perform altruistic behaviors in the workplace. These altruistic behaviors were things like tidying the kitchen, organizing the going away party, or getting the birthday card signed for colleagues, or going the extra mile to help others.

The women found themselves getting unfavorable evaluations or being seen negatively for expressing more male typical behavior.

Men, on the other hand, doing the same things, were given a pass or applauded when they did engage in altruistic behavior in the workplace.

At the end of the day, what these studies are showing is that objectively it doesn’t pay for women to be the good girl.

There are lots of reasons why women may revert to these supportive, underappreciated behaviors, and I only think it’s fair to allow for some grace here.

Long ago I stopped saying the judgy, “oh, I would never,” because when push comes to shove in a situation, you just don’t know what you’ll do.

If you truly thought your life was on the line, would you not fight back?

Would you only stick to passive reactions?

Or would your reaction shift when you are under duress?

When you’re operating under the Good Girl archetype, it may take way more pressure to get you to act out of character, but that snap can still happen.

And it’s way more pleasant to shift into self-advocacy under an experience you have a modicum of control over than it is to experience the crash and burn.

So what this good girl archetype is doing is keeping you on edge.

Hovering in that space of always being there to address, fix, or handle things for others and this is the hallmark of the good girl archetype.

Women have been conditioned to fix the problems made by others or to take on projects at the expense of themselves.

Think of it like those first few nights with a newborn. You need your sleep, but your body is on high alert waiting to hear whether the baby stirs cries or something other.

Tell me, can you truly kick back and relax when you’re waiting for that shoe to drop?

The Good Girl Archetype stands directly between you and your ability to respond calmly and center you and your needs when under pressure.

It’s not your job to fix everything for everyone.

Yet the good girl archetype doesn’t give you the space to choose those seemingly small acts you can undertake that feed you and your wellbeing.

Things like carving out time to engage in hobbies, classes, and activities that help you feel more balanced and whole.

Maybe you’re so used to the stress, the doom scrolling, or the buzz of the heightened emotions that you don’t register that this is worse than the act of experiencing the temporary discomfort of dismantling the good girl archetype.

Crystal Support: Black Tourmaline

The crystal I’m going to offer you today is Black Tourmaline, and here’s why.

When you want to hold stronger boundaries and resist slipping into automatic people pleasing behaviors, Black Tourmaline will block the guilt projected by others. It will support you in shielding from outside pressure, guilt, and the unspoken expectations that keep you being the good girl.

To anchor in your own energy so you can respond intentionally, Black Tourmaline helps to ground and center your energy. This will help you act from clarity and self-trust instead of obligations or identity scripts.

When heavy, outdated thought patterns keep you in the good girl archetype, Black Tourmaline will support in releasing and purifying these narratives. You’ll find it easier to see beyond being the fixer, the smoother, or the caretaker to toward a space of neutrality.

Black Tourmaline is a powerhouse when it comes to reducing energetic leaks, which in turn helps in restoring your sense of self, inner strength, and authority over your own choices. You’ll feel more empowered to place your wellbeing front and center, while also being able to withstand the discomfort of any pushback you might receive.

Ritual to Dismantle the Good Girl Archetype

So the ritual I’m going to offer today that will support you in dismantling the good girl archetype is going to be different.

You’ll need paper, a pen, and your Black Tourmaline.

Find some time when you can sit in contemplation, preferably undisturbed.

Bring to mind a situation when you defaulted to a good girl response.

Without censoring, answer the following journal prompts about that particular situation.

In that moment, what were you afraid might happen if you had said no? What emotions did you feel before, during, and after?

What part of your identity, example, being dependable, being kind, being liked, felt at risk if you said no.

What did saying Yes cost you in terms of time, energy, peace of mind, or sense of self?

Looking at that situation now, what was actually your responsibility and what could have been left for the other person to handle, or what could have been addressed later?

When you start to find the neutrality of the situation, the experience of pressure and heightened emotions will lessen, allowing you to make more balanced and reasoned decisions in the present moment.

This is dismantling the good girl archetype, and it provides you with more control over your life and your choices without the guilt.

Join the Charmed Community

Today’s pairing of the 10 of Swords with Black Tourmaline is from a crystal and tarot forecast inside the Charmed Community.

I invite you to join me in this free space where I share these readings weekly to help you align your energy and focus your week.

You also get the opportunity to connect with others who are exploring their growth and creating change in their lives just like you.

Join us for free, the link is in the show notes.

And if you are tired of being on an emotional rollercoaster and you want to be part of a space that holds you in your healing, a space where you can feel seen, supported, and connected as you create more emotional and energetic space in your life, I would love to have you join me inside the Crystal Self Healer members portal.

It’s where we go beyond the weekly guidance and we apply it to your life, equipping you with the tools and resources, including courses, workshops, and activations that support you in building your confidence in crystal healing and emotional self care.

Inside you get healing sessions that help you process emotions so you can regulate your nervous system, rituals that help you anchor and direct energy, and personalized support when you’re feeling stuck.

Everything you need to learn how to recognize and dismantle the patterns, cycles, and loops that keep you stuck so you can achieve more ease and alignment is in the portal. Visit my website, www.threecharmedgems.com or click the link in the show notes to learn more and join me.

It’s time to stop living at the mercy of emotional triggers and start living in spiritual integrity. The Crystal Self Healer members portal is where that shift begins. Find your clarity and come home to yourself.

Today’s episode has been brought to you by the 10 of Swords, Black Tourmaline, and release. May we all experience more space and grace by not fixing everything for everyone. Blessed be, my friends.

Conclusion and Next Steps

All right, my friends, that wraps up this week’s episode. Thank you for joining me here today on the Crystal Self Healer Podcast. If you haven’t already, hit subscribe, leave a review and take the what Crystal is best for you quiz linked in the show notes. Join me again next week as we continue to demystify crystals, how your brain works and how you can use them so you can have more energy, get more done, and feel better every day.